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President's Message, May, 2019

posted May 3, 2019, 10:07 AM by Gary Urbatis   [ updated Jul 31, 2019, 10:01 AM ]

Mike’s Message for May

It’s Spring!  Im all excited about spring and summer. Thats when the little kid in me takes over(To be honest, he doesnt actually takeoverHe never really left). I get to run around and play ball, go biking, swimming, camping, hiking, and all that other fun stuff that doesnt work well when its cold out. And oh boy, do we have some great spring and summer fun planned! Now dont let me spoil things for those of you who have sunk tons of money into an expensive, large screen, digital, hi-def TV entertainment system (or two). I fully realize that nothing could possibly lure you out into the real world, where trees whisper, frogs croak, butterflies flutter, birds sing, and yes, the sun still shinesAll you bona fide couch potatoes have a lifetime permit (or is it a sentence)? To remain chained to your lounge chairs.  I would not want to interfere with your hard-earned

loafing time dedicated to the boob tube. But as for me, Im going to blow all my free time in the sun until my hair bleaches and my skin tans! Although there is no chance that youll even consider doing any of the foolish spring and summer events we have put together, at least you can enjoy a good laugh by checking out the silly things us nature boys (and girls!) will be up to. Well be camping and swimming, hiking at various local woodlands, biking the trails, picnicking, playing softball and tennis, and going on scenic train rides, just to name

a few. It probably makes you exhausted just reading about themAnd just think how tired, hungry, blistered, sunburned, and miserable well be when we get home. Boy are we dumb! But we cant help itIt’s some kind of disease.  Uh oh, I feel the summer itch coming on.  I cant sit stillIt’s got a hold of me.  Look out wild life, here I come!



Mike Kernan

President's Message, April, 2019

posted May 3, 2019, 10:01 AM by Gary Urbatis

Mike’s Message for April

Every April, I always think of spring. But this year, I forgot. So instead, I thought of new ways for CACers to have fun. But first, you have to get in the right mindset. You need to realize that fun won’t come knocking at your door. You have to go out where the fun is. But how do you find out where the fun is? Simple!  You just open your CAC Newsletter and voila!  There it is!  Lots of fun events where you can relax, laugh, and enjoy good conversation with the rest of us. Don’t worry if you are the quiet type. We have many members who can do the talking for you. All you have to do is smile or laugh on cue. I’ll help with cue cards. I have LAUGH, SMILE,  NOD and ROLL EYES.  Those should get you through most of the conversation. For the rest, you can ad lib. So come on out and start enjoying life.

I would like to wish all of you a joyous and blessed Easter. Please take advantage of your parish’s lenten observances, especially during Holy Week. It makes the Easter celebration so much more meaningful.

Mike Kernan

President's Letter, March, 2019

posted May 3, 2019, 9:55 AM by Gary Urbatis

Mike’s Message for March

As time marches on, it eventually marches into spring. And you know what that means… It means that all you hibernating CACers need to get out and start coming to events. You know who you are. You are the ones who never come out all winter long because, “I hate driving in the winter,” or “It’s so dang cold out there,” or “My winter woolies are full of holes.”  Well, those excuses won’t cut it any more because spring comes in March.  And we will soon start those outdoor fun events again, like biking and hiking and other active “-ing” things. But it won’t do you any good if you don’t come out of your hibernation. So wake up and smell the roses (or daffodils), crawl out of your hole, and come on over to some CAC events so we don’t forget who you are. And don’t give me that yawn. You need to get up, put on your jacket, and geo out and socialize. Now March!

Mike Kernan

President's Letter, February, 2019

posted May 3, 2019, 9:54 AM by Gary Urbatis

Mike’s Message for February 

Last year at this time, I traveled to Punxsutawney to garner some advice for the Club from the wise and esteemed groundhog.  But the Board, in their cheap- skated wisdom, refused to refund my expenses. So thiGroundhog, Gus, who was considerably less expensive.

After explaining my concerns and questions at length, Gus told me to buy all the Lottery tickets I could afford and wait for the windfall. Before I could explain that the Board would not refund anything, he hung up. So I was back to square one. While sitting on a park bench, wallowing in self pity, a bird landed on my shoulder, and asked why I was so glum. (No, I am not crazy. It was a parrot, and as you all know, some parrots do talk.) I told him my story and he offered this advice: You cant throw money at a problem and expect it to be solved. Single people dont need costly advice. They merelneed each other. When lonely people get together, the loneliness disappears.” Then he flew off, (leaving on my shoulder a small reminder of his visit). Later on,

while laundering my shirt, I considered his advice. He is right, you know. All we have to do is to get together, and things start looking up right away. CAC offers lots odifferent events for single people to come together and enjoy each others company. All you need to do is to try out some events and see for yourself. It’s so easy.  So listen to the parrot and join us at some events this month. You will be glad you did. And if you happen to need any lottery tickets, just ask me. It seems that I have quite a few more than I need.


Mike Kernan

P.S. Is there any chance that the Board will reimburse my dry cleaning bill for that shirt?

President's Letter, January, 2019

posted Jan 7, 2019, 7:19 PM by Gary Urbatis

Mikes Message for January

Yes, the rumors are all true. I am your President again in 2019.  But don’t panic. The Board is keeping an eye on my every move. Pesky ankle monitor! But more to the point. January brings in a new year and a new outlook.

Let’s make this year one of our most active and sociable years ever. There is lots of fun to be had, lots of things to see, and people to meet. (Especially me!) I would like to establish a new motto for this new year. The motto I have chosen is: “Let’s Have Fun!”  So this year, we will try to do all sorts of fun and interesting things to bring this motto to life. CAC will present many opportunities for you to get out and enjoy life with other like-minded people. But you have to do your part. Make a resolution to try some new events this year. Select an event you would not normally do, and give it a try. Throughout the year, this newsletter will present hikes, biking, picnics, dances, social nights, movies, dinners, meetings, weekends, sporting events, …and the list goes on. But your job is to drag yourself out of your lonely little house or apartment, and show up at these events. We can’t force you to come. Heaven knows, I’ve tried. I once established a Singles Mutant Ninja Police Force (SMNPF) to hunt down shy people and drag them to our events. But people kept getting away and calling police.

I still have an itch from that abrasive ankle monitor, and my emergency parole fund is dangerously low. But that’s another story. So this year, we can only provide you with opportunities to enjoy life. It’s up to you to get yourself there. OK? Good. I’m glad we had this nice chat. Now don’t just stand there. Go out and have fun!!!

Mike Kernan
President and Emperor Czar Potentate Supreme
(additional honorific titles pending)

P.S. Those pesky elves ignored my coal bin again this year. As a result, I spent the bulk of another Christmas Day cleaning up the living room. Someone did provide me with a sign, written in the elfin language that was supposed to say, “Please put the coal into the bin.” But only afterwards did I learn that it really said, “Elfin mothers wear army shoes.” Needless to say, this only angered them more.  When I catch the guy who provided that bogus elfin sign (Victor), I will deal with him appropriately.

President's Letter, December, 2018

posted Jan 7, 2019, 7:13 PM by Gary Urbatis

Mike’s Message for December

Whatever you do this month, don’t miss the annual CAC Christmas Dinner/Dance. It is one of our best events of the year. If you missed your reservation for the dinner, you can still come to the dance only, and pay at the door. It is important to take a moment to relax and spend some quality time with friends because Christmas can be a very busy and stressful time. It’s the same for me. I spend a lot of time preparing my living room for Santa’s elves. Every year, despite all my efforts, Santa’s elves insist on scattering my annual coal delivery all over the living room, despite the fact that I provide a large and sturdy bin to hold it in. So each year, I have to spend the bulk of Christmas Day cleaning up the mess. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind the coal, since I get top dollar for it on the black market. (North Pole anthracite is the best quality coal in the world.) But they could at least put it in the bin! But Noooooo! Year after year, the coal is scattered everywhere except for the bin, which remains shiny and pristine. And they eat all the cookies too. Pesky elves! 

But enough about my problems, I would like to express my wish for a joyous and blessed Christmas for all.

Mike Kernan

P.S. If anybody out there can speak elfin or North Pole-ese, or whatever it is that elves speak, please write me a note in their language that says, “Please put the coal in the bin.” And please do it before Christmas Eve. I’m desperate here. Anyway, it’s worth a shot.

President's Letter, November, 2018

posted Nov 13, 2018, 9:41 AM by Gary Urbatis   [ updated Nov 13, 2018, 9:42 AM ]

Mikes Message for November

I wish you all a happy and blessed Thanksgiving. We all have ample reasons to give thanks.  I recently sat down quietly and thought about how many things I have to be thankful for. I was pleasantly surprised at all the things that came to mind. Let me share some of my own personal favorites:

1.   CAC is alive and well.

2.   Someone recently stole my identity, but they didnt want it so they gave it back.

3.   I recently learned that, due to a miscalculation, I a10 years younger than I thought.

4.   My grade school bully recently violated parole, and is now back in the slammer.

5.   CAC is alive and well.

6.   I recently received a new vaccine that immunizes against calories. (Welcome back cake!)

7.   I no longer get bit by mosquitoes since I quit bathing last year. (Even poison ivy wont touch me.)

8.   Santa still brings me coal, but I get top dollar for it on the black market.

9.   There are no zombies living under my bed.  (I think got them all.)

10. CAC is alive and well.

You may have noticed that I am thankful that CAC is alive and well.  A long time ago, I was lonely and bored. But then I stumbled on CACNow I have an organized group of friends with whom to interact and enjoy various interesting and fun activities and events. And I am more than willing to share CAC with you. No need to thank me. Thats the kind of guy I am. Now when you ardone being thankful, put on your jacket and go out to CAC event, so you can see for yourself why it is worth all this gratitude.

Mike Kernan

Emperor Czar Potentate Supreme

President's Letter, October, 2018

posted Oct 1, 2018, 10:30 AM by Gary Urbatis

Mike’s Message for October

CAC is alive and has prepared new fun adventures for October. You only need to take advantage of them. But do look ahead at other months as well, since some events require advance reservation. I especially recommend the Christmas Dinner Dance coming up in December and accepting reservations now. This is always well-attended, and it is a great opportunity to enjoy a nice dinner and dance with lots of great people. You will know some, but not all who attend. But I know most of them and can vouch for them all. You will be very comfortable in this group.  They are even nice to me! Go figure. I used to pay them, but now they are nice to me for free. And I only have to wash the dishes after the Christmas Dinner Dance. What a deal! (Last year, somebody told me I would not need to wash the pots next time, but I didn’t get a notarized letter. I hope they honor that anyway.)  So please sign up and enjoy.  You will be glad you did. But try not to dirty any pots. Oh, and there will be cake.  Did I mention the cake?

So much for future planning. In the meantime, enjoy this month’s events. And remember, CAC is not a dating club. It’s a social club. So there is none of that pressure or worry about couples, or dating, or pick-ups or any of that sort of thing. We are just fun-loving people who like to do fun things with others who are unattached. If by chance, you happen to meet someone special, I guess that’s OK. (We may have to fine you though. Oddly, I am always getting cited for one thing or another. Last summer, I was cited for shooting off fireworks in the middle of the night at the camping trip. I told them it wasn’t me, but they made me do the dishes all week anyway.)

So do try to enjoy this month’s events, and plan to attend some of our bigger future events that require reservations. They are really great times! But please try not to dirty too many dishes.


Emperor Czar Potentate Supreme

President's Letter, September, 2018

posted Aug 29, 2018, 9:46 AM by Gary Urbatis

Mike’s Message for September

 Holy smokes! It’s September already! Where is the summer going?  Well, if you did not get enough summertime fun, there are still some chances this month. We have a canoe trip on Labor Day, and a big picnic on the 23rd. So make sure you take advantage of these activities before it snows. While I was in Punxsutawney last February, I overheard the ground hog confiding with his peer seers. They said something about snow piled up to the windows and schools closed for a week. When

they spotted me, I pretended that I didnt know anything, and I just put on a dumb look and played stupid. Apparently I am good at that, because they bought it and ignored me, and I managed to scurry off with thiforeboding prediction.  So you had better prepare for cabin fever now by getting out there and enjoying the host of great events offered here in your CAnewsletter. When the snow comes and you cant get outside, youll wish you did not let the summer go idlbyOf course, we will be planning some great winter activities too, so the fun need not end with the sun. Still, though, you had better take advantage of todays fun today. You know the old saying: Opportunity does not knock. It only presents itself when you beat down the door.


President's Letter, August, 2018

posted Jul 29, 2018, 6:43 PM by Gary Urbatis

Mike’s Message for August

Don’t you just love summer? I do. And I especially love sharing summertime outdoors with my CAC friends.  CACers are special people. Although we each started out as a little kid, we eventually grew up into adults. (I didn’t want to, but they made me.) For some people, the  adult completely replaced the little kid. But with CACers it’s different. We are fun-loving people who managed to  keep that little kid alive inside us. And we can let that little kid out sometimes to frolic and enjoy some carefree good times with our like-minded CAC friends. But unlike little kids, we now have money and a car, so we can really take advantage of fun things that were out of reach when we were young. We can play miniature golf, we can go bowling, we can go biking, we can go to restaurants or go on weekend trips, and do all those great things listed in the newsletter. It would be a shame if your little kid were deprived of all those fun opportunities due to adult reluctance. (Don’t worry. I asked your Mom, and she said it was OK.) 

So here is what you need to do: Before you read the rest of this newsletter, first sit down in a comfortable chair. Take a deep breath and harken back to a summertime in your childhood when you were only ten. Recall how you used to wake up looking forward to just going out and having fun. Well, remember that joyful feeling, and hold onto it. Then, with this fun-loving feeling in your heart, go ahead and read this newsletter. Pick out those events that really interest you, and also consider trying a new type of event that you might have ignored before. 

Make a point to be a little kid again this month, and have fun!  Don’t worry. We’ll all help. (Of course, there will be pictures. Sorry.)

Mike Kernan

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