Mike’s Message for September

It is hard to believe, but a few people actually do read the President’s Message. (I lost that bet.) For those lucky souls who opt to grace themselves with my wisdom (stop choking- I know you’re faking that), here are some enlightening tidbits:   Be sure to note that our General Membership Meeting has been scheduled for November, and is listed in this newsletter. We will list it for the next three months, therefore everyone will know about it. The event is run as a free social night with board games and refreshments, which we interrupt briefly for the nominations for club officers from the floor. But if you want to nominate yourself or another member for office, you can do so any time before the meeting by sending a note (email is fine) to one of the Board members. The offices up for election are President, First VP, Second VP, Secretary, and Treasurer. The committee heads are appointed from among the various volunteers. If you are interested in any of our committees, just submit your name for consideration. Committee heads have a vote on the Board. But anyone can participate on a committee as a “committee member” by just volunteering. It is that easy. If you have ideas that can help the club create great activities, then join a committee. We welcome your enthusiasm.  You can join a committee anytime, not just

during elections. No vote is needed to join a committee. It is fun and gratifying to host an event.

Mike Kernan

CAC President

Mike’s Message for August

What a great summer it has been! CAC has really outdone itself with great sunshine activities this year. In addition to the usual’s like outdoor volleyball, happy hours, biking, dances, hikes, brunch, Pirate games, softball and tennis, we have also enjoyed camping, a scenic train ride, canoeing, golf, and mini golf (just to name a few). The Pittsburgh chapter is one of the most active chapters of the CACI. A brief look at newsletters of CAC’s from other cities, you can see what I mean. Few chapters even come close to the number or quality of our activities.

Of course, it took a lot of pulling teeth to get some of you shy members to take advantage of all the great work your Board is doing.  CAC has a lot to offer.  As single people, many of us are not burdened by the responsibilities of family, and are unencumbered by debt.  So, in a way, we are like kids with money and a car. And we don’t have to answer that annoying old question: “Where are you going and when are you coming home?”  We’re free! Free to go to picnics, dances, and weekend events! So don’t waste this rare and magic time of life! Go out and have some fun with your CAC friends!

OK, so some of us do have responsibilities of family, such as aging parents. And maybe we do have some debts, like a mortgage or a car payment. But that’s no reason to lock ourselves away never to be seen or heard. Break away once in a while and refresh your inner spirit by spending some quality time with good friends. That’s what CAC is for.  Make the most of it.

Mike Kernan

CAC President

Mike’s Message for July

What month is it again?  I forgot.  Wait, I’ll check outside. Let’s see…It’s hot and sunny.  Kids are playing ball (on their cell phones of course), the ice cream drone is buzzing overhead, and CACers are preparing to go camping.  It must be July!  When I was a kid, I used to say, “It’s only July, so that means I have another 8 weeks before school starts again!”  Well nowadays, I don’t have to worry about school.  (Unless the truant officer finds out that I never attended kindergarten.  I would hate to be forced to attend now, at my age.  Although it would be fun, it would be so embarrassing.)  The point is we can still enjoy summer even though we are all grown up. CAC is offering lots of summer events to make you smile and forget about your troubles.  But you have to do your part. Put on your spats, comb your hair and come on out and play.  The game is called “CAC”.  It’s easy.  Here’s how you play:  1) grab your newsletter and find out what’s going on. 2) Go to the event.  3) Join in on the fun. Here’s a tip: Be sure to smile. Nobody wants to see you frowning as it brings everybody down.  That’s all there is to it.  At the end of the year, the person who has the most fun gets a prize.  (But before you get your hopes up, I should tell you that I usually win. Nyeaaaah!)  But even the losers can look back and realize that at least they had a great time too.  Come on out and play CAC!  Last one there is a rotten egg!

Mike Kernan

Emperor Czar Potentate Supreme

(Oh, and President too)

Mike’s Message for June 

Aaagh! It’s already June and I have not experienced nearly enough fun spring and summer activities! Time is rapidly running out. Quick! Grab your newsletter and see what we can do in June! Oh, wow! There’s a picnic with the blind, a dance cookout, an outdoor beach party happy hour, a scenic train ride weekend, a bike ride, volleyball every Wednesday, and a free outdoor concert at the Frick, minigolf, and league softball on Sundays. And we have some indoor things as well: mass and brunch in Lawrenceville, and a musical theater event at the Benedum! Whoopee! Is this a great club or what?! Of course, as your President, I intend to take full credit for everything. Nobody helped. It was all me.

….Well…OK, it wasn’t all me. I might have had a little help. But only a little. Like the picnic--that wasn’t mine.  Oh, and neither were the cookout, happy hour, bike ride, volleyball or softball, musical, outdoor concert,… Oh never mind. I had a lot of help, OK! I would do more, but I am busy fending off impeachment all the time. Gimme a break, will ya?! Just go to the events and have fun. That’s all that matters. Let’s not sweat the details.

Mike Kernan

P.S. I did arrange the train ride event. But don’t worry. I won’t be driving the train. (They wouldn’t let me.  Pesky conductor!)

Mike’s Message for May

It’s Spring!  I’m all excited about spring and summer. That’s when the little kid in me takes over.  (To be honest, he doesn’t actually takeover.  He never really left). I get to run around and play ball, go biking, swimming, camping, hiking, and all that other fun stuff that doesn’t work well when it’s cold out. And oh boy, do we have some great spring and summer fun planned! Now don’t let me spoil things for those of you who have sunk tons of money into an expensive, large screen, digital, hi-def TV entertainment system (or two). I fully realize that nothing could possibly lure you out into the real world, where trees whisper, frogs croak, butterflies flutter, birds sing, and yes, the sun still shines.  All you bona fide couch potatoes have a lifetime permit (or is it a sentence)? To remain chained to your lounge chairs.  I would not want to interfere with your hard-earned

loafing time dedicated to the boob tube. But as for me, I’m going to blow all my free time in the sun until my hair bleaches and my skin tans! Although there is no chance that you’ll even consider doing any of the foolish spring and summer events we have put together, at least you can enjoy a good laugh by checking out the silly things us nature boys (and girls!) will be up to. We’ll be camping and swimming, hiking at various local woodlands, biking the trails, picnicking, playing softball and tennis, and going on scenic train rides, just to name

a few. It probably makes you exhausted just reading about them.  And just think how tired, hungry, blistered, sunburned, and miserable we’ll be when we get home. Boy are we dumb! But we can’t help it.  It’s some kind of disease.  Uh oh, I feel the summer itch coming on.  I can’t sit still.  It’s got a hold of me.  Look out wild life, here I come!

Regards,

Mike Kernan

Mike’s Message for April

Every April, I always think of spring. But this year, I forgot. So instead, I thought of new ways for CACers to have fun. But first, you have to get in the right mindset. You need to realize that fun won’t come knocking at your door. You have to go out where the fun is. But how do you find out where the fun is? Simple!  You just open your CAC Newsletter and voila!  There it is!  Lots of fun events where you can relax, laugh, and enjoy good conversation with the rest of us. Don’t worry if you are the quiet type. We have many members who can do the talking for you. All you have to do is smile or laugh on cue. I’ll help with cue cards. I have LAUGH, SMILE,  NOD and ROLL EYES.  Those should get you through most of the conversation. For the rest, you can ad lib. So come on out and start enjoying life.

I would like to wish all of you a joyous and blessed Easter. Please take advantage of your parish’s lenten observances, especially during Holy Week. It makes the Easter celebration so much more meaningful.

Mike Kernan

Mike’s Message for March

As time marches on, it eventually marches into spring. And you know what that means… It means that all you hibernating CACers need to get out and start coming to events. You know who you are. You are the ones who never come out all winter long because, “I hate driving in the winter,” or “It’s so dang cold out there,” or “My winter woolies are full of holes.”  Well, those excuses won’t cut it any more because spring comes in March.  And we will soon start those outdoor fun events again, like biking and hiking and other active “-ing” things. But it won’t do you any good if you don’t come out of your hibernation. So wake up and smell the roses (or daffodils), crawl out of your hole, and come on over to some CAC events so we don’t forget who you are. And don’t give me that yawn. You need to get up, put on your jacket, and geo out and socialize. Now March!

Mike Kernan

Mike’s Message for February 

Last year at this time, I traveled to Punxsutawney to garner some advice for the Club from the wise and esteemed groundhog.  But the Board, in their cheap- skated wisdom, refused to refund my expenses. So this Groundhog, Gus, who was considerably less expensive.

After explaining my concerns and questions at length, Gus told me to buy all the Lottery tickets I could afford and wait for the windfall. Before I could explain that the Board would not refund anything, he hung up. So I was back to square one. While sitting on a park bench, wallowing in self pity, a bird landed on my shoulder, and asked why I was so glum. (No, I am not crazy. It was a parrot, and as you all know, some parrots do talk.) I told him my story and he offered this advice: “You can’t throw money at a problem and expect it to be solved. Single people don‘t need costly advice. They merely need each other. When lonely people get together, the loneliness disappears.” Then he flew off, (leaving on my shoulder a small reminder of his visit). Later on,

while laundering my shirt, I considered his advice. He is right, you know. All we have to do is to get together, and things start looking up right away. CAC offers lots of different events for single people to come together and enjoy each other’s company. All you need to do is to try out some events and see for yourself. It’s so easy.  So listen to the parrot and join us at some events this month. You will be glad you did. And if you happen to need any lottery tickets, just ask me. It seems that I have quite a few more than I need.

Mike Kernan

P.S. Is there any chance that the Board will reimburse my dry cleaning bill for that shirt?

Mike’s Message for December

Whatever you do this month, don’t miss the annual CAC Christmas Dinner/Dance. It is one of our best events of the year. If you missed your reservation for the dinner, you can still come to the dance only, and pay at the door. It is important to take a moment to relax and spend some quality time with friends because Christmas can be a very busy and stressful time. It’s the same for me. I spend a lot of time preparing my living room for Santa’s elves. Every year, despite all my efforts, Santa’s elves insist on scattering my annual coal delivery all over the living room, despite the fact that I provide a large and sturdy bin to hold it in. So each year, I have to spend the bulk of Christmas Day cleaning up the mess. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind the coal, since I get top dollar for it on the black market. (North Pole anthracite is the best quality coal in the world.) But they could at least put it in the bin! But Noooooo! Year after year, the coal is scattered everywhere except for the bin, which remains shiny and pristine. And they eat all the cookies too. Pesky elves! 

But enough about my problems, I would like to express my wish for a joyous and blessed Christmas for all.

Mike Kernan

P.S. If anybody out there can speak elfin or North Pole-ese, or whatever it is that elves speak, please write me a note in their language that says, “Please put the coal in the bin.” And please do it before Christmas Eve. I’m desperate here. Anyway, it’s worth a shot.